Changes.

I never would have guessed how drastically my goals would have changed after having a baby. My plan had always been to return to work when Cayden was 6 weeks old, take off one semester and then return to school, and one day be a successful career woman. After Cayden arrived everything changed. It was physically painful to be away from him and I felt like I was missing everything. I was unhappy at my job and miserable that the only time I got to spend time with my baby boy was after work from 6-8pm. Luck was in my favor though, because not even 2 months after returning to work I lost my job. I was ecstatic! Not only would I get to spend all day, every day with my little guy but I would get unemployement benefits until I could figure out a plan for working at home. I've been home with Cayden for about 4 months now and not a day has gone by that I haven't been thankful. I see every smile, every tear, every milestone he hits and I know this is how it SHOULD be. I want to stay home and raise my babies. I still haven't returned to school and honestly, I don't know if I want to. I had always dreamt of being an elementary school teacher, and having my own classroom with field trips, history projects, and arts and crafts. I loved school growing up and I love children. However, every time I turn on the news I hear about budget cuts, union strikes, pink slips, 60 child classrooms, and online schools. Just recently I read an article saying that in 20 years there would be no more traditional classrooms and teachers. Not only does this make me sad, but it scares me. I don't want to spend time going to school getting a degree that is worth nothing for a career that has no future. I am terrified to send Cayden off to a school with metal detectors, drugs and bullies just to be taught by a stressed out under-paid teacher who doesn't have the time or energy to worry about whether or not my son is reaching his full potential. And after nearly 6 months of thinking about it, I've realized that I can have it all. I can be a full time mother. I can teach him myself. I can be with him day after day and have full control over what he learns and experiences on a day to day basis. I want to protect him and shelter him and shape him into a good person. I want to homeschool.

I've been thinking a lot about my long term plans. I know that I want to try for another baby in the Fall, but I also know that it will put a huge financial strain on us unless something changes. Living in California is NOT cheap, ESPECIALLY  the Orange County/Los Angeles area where we are. We pay more to rent a 1 bedroom apartment then my sister (living in TN) pays for the mortgage of her 3 bedroom home. Not only is it expensive, but I (personally) feel that this is a toxic place to raise a child. Around here the focus is on money and labels and possessions and outer beauty. I know that it's like that in every state, but it's magnified 100x here in Southern California. We are just a short car ride away from the fashion capital of the country and celebrities in multi-million dollar homes. My entire life I have felt that I didn't belong here. I know most people think that CA is the perfect place to live with the perpetual 70 degree weather and beaches, but it's not for me. I'm ready to move to another state. I want to see the seasons change. I want to see the brilliant colors of trees in the Fall and I want my kids to get snowed in and run around barefoot during scorching hot summers. I want to be able to afford my own home with a big porch and actually have LAND and SPACE for my kids to play and explore. I don't even like the beach... I'm a pale, white Russian girl and trust me when I say that I look ridiculous in a bikini. I could care less about the new iPad and would rather spend my time baking apple pies with babies under foot. I truly just want to live a simple life.

Mando and I have talked about our future plans and feel bad, like I've blind sighted him with all these new ideas and plans. When we first met I was working in the corporate world, wearing 5 inch stilettos everyday, going to the gym 3 times a week, and partying all weekend. I had no idea I would turn into this person who just wants to stay home and raise babies, homeschool, bake, and grow a garden. But I can't help the person I've become, and the reality of the situation is that this is the future I see for myself now. This is what I want out of life.

Of course Mando, being the amazing man he is, supports me 100%, but I know that it will be hard for him. He hates change and it will be terrifying for him to up and leave the place where he (and I) were born and raised. And his family. It will be so, so hard for him to leave his family. I honestly don't know if he could do it. I have a small family, and we're all spread out anyway, so I know it wouldn't be so hard for me. Mando's entire family is here though, along with his childhood friends. We've talked about it though, and we both agree that moving would be in our best interests as a family. We could have more babies and live comfortably and take vacations. We don't want to move far. I'm thinking Portland, or maybe Austin so we'd still be close enough to trip home if we wanted. Hopefully after getting married within the next year we'll be ready. Right now it's just a dream, but I'm ready to make it our reality.

I iz a fancy blogger now.

If you're wondering why I haven't been posting much, it's because I've been having a blogging identity crisis of sorts. When I originally started posting here it was more personal updates about my pregnancy, birth, and then life with a new baby. I do love those posts, but my intention for this blog was to be inspiration for those who like the same things as myself: cooking, baking, and crafting. It is between these two themes that I've gotten stuck somewhere and haven't posted regularly because I always felt like the ideas in my head don't go with one or the other. I was also aware of how terrible my point-and-shoot camera pictures were and let's be honest, a bad photo doesn't inspire anyone so I was reluctant to post. Recently, after giving it a lot of thought, I've decided to focus more on the latter and post more dinner recipes, decorating inspiration, cute kids parties, dessert ideas, and share pictures and tutorials of all the crafts that I usually work on. One of the main deciding factors was the purchase of 2 new toys. Thank god for tax returns...

I was finally able to purchase a Canon Rebel T1i (along with the 18-55mm lens and the 50mm 1.8 lens) which I am SO excited about. I've honestly been interested in photography my entire life, but have always been frustrated with the limitations of a cheap point-and-shoot camera. Luckily, we were able to finally get a nice DSLR and I'm so excited to get acquainted with it. I've been practicing every day and hopefully the pictures around here will become better and more inspiring. (And of course I couldn't resist showing off pictures of my two favorite subjects, Cayden and his cousin)

See the bottom right picture? He's mad we lost the Superbowl! Sad face.

The Silhouette is something that's been all over the blogs lately and it's been torturing my sister and I with its amazingness. This thing can do EVERYTHING. She bought it last week and after much deliberation I decided it will save me a ton of money in the long run and ordered it yesterday. I can't wait to start playing with it. The Silhouette blog has so many fun ideas and you can guarantee I'll be stalking it daily.

Anyway, this doesn't mean that I'll stop posting personal updates. I'll still use Wordless Wednesday to show off pictures of the cutest baby in the universe (mine) and let you know what our family is up to. And of course Friday Favorites will continue as well. (And if you ever have suggestions for Friday Favorites themes I'd love to hear them!) I hope to start posting regularly now and really developing this blog into what I imagined it to be. I have a really fun giveaway in the works as well as an exciting announcement to come. And a big THANK YOU to everyone who takes time to read this. Every comment means SO much to me and I hope you'll stick around!

A personal update and a peak into the future.

Wow, November already! This holiday season is flying by. I hope you guys enjoyed the giveaways, recipes, and tutorials during my Halloween event for the month of October! I had a lot of fun doing it! Now that things have calmed down a bit on the blog front I thought I'd write a personal update... lots have been going on!

Cayden is now 3 and a half months old and thriving! He's rolling over and starting to hold his own bottle! He's at such a fun age where he's 'talking' and laughing and interacting with us more and more. I love it! I think teething has started because he's constantly chewing on his hands and drooling like crazy! Yesterday he celebrated his first Halloween and I think he had a lot of fun! He was the cutest lil bear ever! (Pictures will be posted)

Mando and I are doing a lot better. In the beginning we were over-tired and over-stressed while adjusting to parenthood and fighting a lot, but now we finally feel like we know what we're doing and aren't arguing as much. I'm getting better at saving money and bargain shopping so the financial stress has subsided a little bit too. Finding time to nurture your relationship while being a new mom is hard but I make it a priority. I really do love him with all of my heart and he's a fantastic father.

I can't wait for the next few months. I'm having Thanksgiving at my house this year and cooking everything on my own for the first time! I can't wait to decorate, put the table together, and spend all day barefoot in my apron! Black Friday always means waking up at the crack of dawn and shopping and I look forward to it every year. Mando is turning 32 in December and I have to figure out something special to do for him. I'm thinking maybe a Laker game and a night in a hotel? We'll see. Christmas will be all about the babies this year and I plan on making some sweet handmade gifts for everyone else. I think it's so much for special than just spending a bunch of money on things. After the new year we have our 2 year anniversary, my birthday, and Valentine's Day! In March we're planning on moving... as you can see we are VERY busy. But don't worry, I plan to blog my way through it.

Speaking of blogging, I hope you guys are enjoying what I've been doing! I plan to have more craft tutorials and recipes for everyone. Hopefully Santa will bring me a new camera this year so I can take some decent pictures too (anyone want to donate a camera to a poor blogger?) If there's anything specifically you want to see leave me a comment and I'll see what I can do! Suggestions are comments are always welcomed.

I'll share pictures from Halloween soon, but for now I'll leave you with this! Last minute Halloween costumes are the best. Happy November everyone!