Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The joys of pregnancy....

I know that some people believe that pregnancy should be all rainbows and butterflies and that we should cherish every single precious moment from the time that extra line pops up on the pregnancy test. We should disregard every pain and annoyance because of the blessed miracle that's growing inside of us.

I, on the other hand, am here to say that while that may work for some people, it's not that easy for everyone. In fact, pregnancy can be downright MISERABLE at times and it's OKAY to bitch and rant every now and then! Pregnancy is hard work! I'm young and childless and I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME. I work 40 hours a week and until 2 weeks ago, also went to school. Even though I sit in a chair most of the day, that doesn't mean that it's any easier. I have to coordinate doctor appointments with my un-happy childless boss, get my co-workers to cover for me when I'm not able to be here, wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to make myself look presentable, drive the 45 minutes EACH WAY to work, sit down all day even when my pelvic bone feels like it's splitting in half and the under wire of my bra is digging into my ribcage. I get up every hour to pee and I eat constantly. I have to deal with the comments from my co-workers like 'Wow, you're really getting big there!' and "Pretty soon you aren't going to fit in that file room!'. Lovely. And after all that, I get to drive home in traffic, cook dinner, run any errands that I never have time to do, and clean the house so that I don't go into OCD panic mode. Talk about exhausting. I can't even imagine how hard it is for those women who have morning sickness throughout their entire pregnancy, or are forced to be on bed rest. Maternity leave can't come fast enough...

All that being said, I decided to make this post about the not-so-fun parts of pregnancy. The things that suck the most, and the things I miss about having my own body... It doesn't help either that I seem to have every single symptom that the 'What To Expect' author could think of, PLUS SOME. So here's a lovely list of my top 10 most hated pregnancy symptoms.

1) SLEEPING ON MY STOMACH. Holy hell, how I miss this. I was a very dedicated tummy sleeper pre-pregnancy. In fact, I am pretty sure I couldn't fall asleep unless I was positioned that way. And I wasn't the kind of person who would change positions all throughout the night either... I literally slept on my stomach all night every night. I had to give this up around 18 weeks because I started feeling like I was sleeping on a rock and squishing my baby. I am now 32 weeks pregnant and I can say without a doubt, this is what I miss the most.

2) Not eating for hours at a time. I could skip breakfast, eat a light lunch, and make a late dinner and be perfectly okay. Now, if I'm not grazing (that's right, like the cows do) at all times I start to get that feeling in my throat like I'm about to puke. And I'm pretty sure horns literally pop out of my forehead if I don't get 3 square meals a day... this TERRIFIES my boyfriend. Because of all that (and my insatiable craving for cupcakes) I have gained a lovely 40 lbs already at 32 weeks.

3) Peeing ALL THE TIME. OMG! You hear about this your whole life, but you can never be prepared until you're 30 weeks pregnant and waking up every hour trying to roll your ass out of bed to run to the bathroom. Not to mention the fun little 'accidents' that occur every time you cough, sneeze, or laugh too hard. And I thought being pregnant meant I DIDN'T have to wear a pad for the next 9 months...

4) Heartburn. Oh lord, the burrrrrrrn! Like an evil green dragon has taken up residence in your throat and shoots a long flame upwards anytime you indulge in marinara sauce or a Snickers bar.

5) Stretch marks. Let me tell you, I was prepared for this one. My mom got them, both my older sisters got them, and I KNEW I was going to get them. That didn't stop me from bursting in tears the first time I saw the ugly red lines appear on my once smooth belly. And you are sadly mistaken if you think they stop there. Oh no, I have stretch marks in places you couldn't image. Thighs, hips, belly, calves, behind the knees (???).... The list goes on.

6) Swelling. I no longer have ankles. Enough said.

7) Not being able to catch my breath: Picture me having to give a 3-5 minute speech in my child development class at 28 weeks and literally stopping every other word to take a breath like I'm nearing the end of a damn triathlon. Cute right? Even cuter is trying to train my replacement at work for when I'm on maternity leave and gasping for air after the first sentence. My boyfriend also thinks it's sexy when I'm huffing up the stairs to our apartment every day.

8) My boobs. Oh how I miss you 34C's! I will never forget how perfectly you fit in my cute lacy Victorias Secret bras. It all started when I turned into a f'n Thomas guide with blue veins creating a map resembling Orange County. That's when I upgraded to a 36C. Then 1 month and $100 at Victorias Secret later, I realized that my expanding rib cage was nowhere near finished with me yet. That's when I upgraded to a 38D. Pretty soon the under wire was making angry red indents in my skin bringing tears to my eyes at work and that's when I got smart and started buying cheap Target bras and an extender. Now, at 32 weeks pregnant I am a 38DD ladies, and that's BEFORE my milk has come in. Needless to say, Victorias Secret is fast becoming a distant memory...

9) Baby brain. I may or may not have put the Oreos away in the silverware drawer...

10) Maternity clothes. I always imagined being one of those adorable girls in the cute little dresses and empire waist tops to show off my baby bump. That all came crashing down when I realized that my thighs unpleasantly rub together when wearing those dresses in the summer heat and those empire waist tops don't cover half of my boobs. I literally spent $200 at Motherhood Maternity for clothes I don't even really like, and I still spend 99% of my time in leggings and X-Large t-shirts. And who the hell decided it was okay to charge $40 for the world's ugliest one piece all black maternity bathing suit? (If you're wondering why I'm not one of those cute girls to rock my belly in a bikini, see #5).

So there's my list! And so you know I'm not lying about the stretch mark thing, here's the latest picture of my ever expanding pregnant belly!

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