I've been thinking a lot about my long term plans. I know that I want to try for another baby in the Fall, but I also know that it will put a huge financial strain on us unless something changes. Living in California is NOT cheap, ESPECIALLY the Orange County/Los Angeles area where we are. We pay more to rent a 1 bedroom apartment then my sister (living in TN) pays for the mortgage of her 3 bedroom home. Not only is it expensive, but I (personally) feel that this is a toxic place to raise a child. Around here the focus is on money and labels and possessions and outer beauty. I know that it's like that in every state, but it's magnified 100x here in Southern California. We are just a short car ride away from the fashion capital of the country and celebrities in multi-million dollar homes. My entire life I have felt that I didn't belong here. I know most people think that CA is the perfect place to live with the perpetual 70 degree weather and beaches, but it's not for me. I'm ready to move to another state. I want to see the seasons change. I want to see the brilliant colors of trees in the Fall and I want my kids to get snowed in and run around barefoot during scorching hot summers. I want to be able to afford my own home with a big porch and actually have LAND and SPACE for my kids to play and explore. I don't even like the beach... I'm a pale, white Russian girl and trust me when I say that I look ridiculous in a bikini. I could care less about the new iPad and would rather spend my time baking apple pies with babies under foot. I truly just want to live a simple life.
Mando and I have talked about our future plans and feel bad, like I've blind sighted him with all these new ideas and plans. When we first met I was working in the corporate world, wearing 5 inch stilettos everyday, going to the gym 3 times a week, and partying all weekend. I had no idea I would turn into this person who just wants to stay home and raise babies, homeschool, bake, and grow a garden. But I can't help the person I've become, and the reality of the situation is that this is the future I see for myself now. This is what I want out of life.
Of course Mando, being the amazing man he is, supports me 100%, but I know that it will be hard for him. He hates change and it will be terrifying for him to up and leave the place where he (and I) were born and raised. And his family. It will be so, so hard for him to leave his family. I honestly don't know if he could do it. I have a small family, and we're all spread out anyway, so I know it wouldn't be so hard for me. Mando's entire family is here though, along with his childhood friends. We've talked about it though, and we both agree that moving would be in our best interests as a family. We could have more babies and live comfortably and take vacations. We don't want to move far. I'm thinking Portland, or maybe Austin so we'd still be close enough to trip home if we wanted. Hopefully after getting married within the next year we'll be ready. Right now it's just a dream, but I'm ready to make it our reality.
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